I wanted to be on the receiving end of their amazing, creative, fun personalities.
I noticed that even people who were nasty could be wonderful sometimes. Old, young, beautiful, ugly, interesting, dull, kind, mean. Until I turned 50, those four years were the happiest years of my life.Īll the humans fascinated me. And I was able to achieve that joy in college. I’m an INFJ (Meyers Briggs), so it is embedded in my personality to fight for truth and justice while also deeply desiring peace and close relationships. I learned to avoid it by keeping my head down, but I wasn’t always successful. I now acknowledge that I was verbally and emotionally and physically abused by my peers and some members of my family. Horrible, violent, gut wrenching nightmares that left me terrified to sleep many nights. Looking back, I now acknowledge that I had nightmares almost every single night. It didn’t hurt that I had an incredible imagination and lived comfortably in it when things got boring or painful. I argued the bad and embraced the good and was cheerful for the most part.
Some grow up to throw off their childhood experience, but I grew up truly appreciating all the good in my life. Kids don’t know anything other than their limited life experience, so most just settle in and make the best of whatever life offers them. I thought it was normal to live like that. I had to be careful, but I wasn’t, and that made me an easy target sometimes. It was all limited.Īt church if I answered all the questions correctly, my Sunday School teachers enjoyed me. As I got older, there were more rules involving my time with friends and activities outside the home. In school I didn’t wear the right tennis shoes (first Adidas – and then Nikes) or Jeans (Girbaud anyone?) I wore large, thick rimmed glasses and preached the coming of Jesus Christ because I was terrified that all the people in my class were going straight to hell.Īt home there were untold numbers of rules and regulations so as not to mess up our beautiful, clean home. If I made the wrong move, I would be pointed out and identified as an outlier. Learning How to Use Your Voice in an Emotionally Abusive RelationshipĪs a child I had to be careful. Through her music, Sara Bareilles held my hand and walked me all the way through. This is the first of a series of articles where I hope to tell my own story of getting away from emotional and spiritual abuse using Sara’s songs as my backdrop ( check out the Spotify playlist for women healing from abuse).
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